Renewing in 07 or silence

[Heywyre]

Hi Jeanb

I have grown over the last few years to respect myself if he can't. Did you feel the same? Is that why I am living fearful of my own boundary with myself?

Possibly - only you know that.

The mind is a wonderful (and sometimes very damaging) thing. H and I met with our C yesterday and I explained to the C how strong my mind was that at times it could take over my reasoning etc. But, having said all that, WE are the ones that control it - and one must (as easy as it sounds) think positive.

It took me a LONG time to get over the first bomb. H was still going through depression when the second one hit so I don't know if I ever got over the first one. His doctor had told him NOT to come off the AD but he felt good and didn't want to be on drugs, so he did - BAD MISTAKE!! We moved to another city, had a bad accident and things went downhill from there. Now he is back on a much higher dose of meds and is resigned to stay on them, even if it means for life, because he knows he "has to".

His silence and pulling away sounds just like my H the first time around. However, he seems to be MUCH better now. He didn't want to burden me with his guilt, emotions, hurt, pain etc. and tried to deal with it all himself. This is not only unhealthy, but also self-destructive.

In my H effort to help me (because I am the one that likes to talk it out - he can't stand that) he agreed to try for a while to talk to me when thinks bothered him, and I was free to come to him to talk when I needed to.

I find now HE is the one that initiates most of the R talks and is finding it much easier to deal with his emotions and has even admitted to me that it makes him feel stronger. This, for us, is a definitely break-through

For the first time, in many, many years, I finally feel like there is actual hope for us and it really feels great. However, I still have my antenna on the alert and I am sure it will be like that for some time yet

Take care