Hi Running. This is such a huge issue to deal with and get past. I wish I had better answers, But I can give you my perspective.
1. Kids- I can't remember if you have kids, but from day 1 I decided to act in a manner that would always make my kids proud. I swallowed some pride and decided to take the high road here. 2. Respect- You haven't lost any respect thru this A. She is not respected by anyone. Don't do anything to give her pity or respect from others. She wins. 3. The stop sign. Any time I start to think about OW, I do use the stop sign approach and immediately start thinking about something else. She doesn't deserve my attention. 4. PMA/GAL- Defy everything that anyone would assume you'd do in the face of this. Become fabulous and everyone will be amazed at your strength and resiliency. You win. She loses. 5. The devil is in the details. I recently have gotten 2 pieces of news about OW that started to send me into a tailspin (one that she used cocaine during her bday bash the weekend before the bomb - H is anti-drug and I will not have my kids around that and two that she went up to my best friend in the airport to 'make nice' and she doesn't even know my friend.). So I could have freaked out- started to in fact. Then I realized that she would win b/c I would start to get 'crazy' again and H would back off again or b/c she would start to get the attention she craves. So I decided that this information was best dropped in the recycle bin. I think the devil puts these obstacles in front of us to mess us up on our journey. I'm just glad I realized it before it hurt my progress. 6. Although it takes 2 to tango, i think it takes 3 for an A- if things were perfect at home, there wouldn't be as many A's. So I dug deep to take some accountability for the A and took some of the blame off OW. She doesn't deserve your time.
