LOL You read my thoughts. When I heard sinking use the words sex maniac, my first thoughts were that there is an awful lot of mania here on this board.
Thanks for the well wishing. Times are hard, but so long as I keep repeating "baby steps" over and over in my head, I'm ok. I'm teaching a SciFi class for the honors students next semester, and one of the novels is Dune by Frank Herbert. I was thinking we should come up with a Litany against SSM-mania similar to the Litany against Fear in that book.
I will not whine Whining is the Desire Killer ...
My muse needs a little work.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Just curious, what is an out of control sex drive? What kind of sex drive should a women be able to "meet"? Is everyday "out of control"? Is twice a day to much? Is 3 times a week? Is once a week? Once a month? Quarterly?
How much does a man have to "control" his sex drive? How can a man actually STOP thinking about sex, especially when sex starved. I know that if I gave up sex and had a wonderful relationship with my wife in EVERY OTHER WAY, I would consider my marriage to STILL be a FAILURE. I would bet that HALF of all intimacy in marriage comes in a physical form (not just sex, but they go hand in hand). Eliminate the physical aspects of marriage and you have eliminated half of the marriage!
i don't imagine anyone is particularly interested in my story. it just helps to write stuff down sometimes. and everyone's thoughts have been so greatly appreciated. you know how much it helps as others have probably helped you.
the 2nd therapy session was good. amazingly, the therapist is beginning to think there is something wrong with my fiance. not only due to the arguments and pressure put on her from early on in our relationship... but something more. this gives me hope. but it doesn't change the fact that we are further away than ever. i do not regret saying that i can't imagine marrying her given our current situation. that, as i've said, was her 'nail in the coffin' for marriage. she took off the ring and started telling friends and family that it is off. i have felt quite separated from her, which has helped my frustration levels with regard to no sex. but overall i am deeply depressed. i'm not sure what happened to my life.
i've been away from the board because i lost my job last thursday. our finances have been a major cause of stress for her, and so this really isn't going to help matters. i am looking for a new job, but the timing could not have been worse. well... come to think of it, i have been wondering if this all happened for a reason. the timing is really giving me an 'out' if i truly believe this is going nowhere.
i don't know what to believe. and as for the 'sex machine/maniac' comment... i agree with chrome that it just feels like that. if you have been deprived for 1+ month you just get to the point where you think about sex all the time and it possesses you. i've told the therapist - and i know you guys will agree - that after we have sex the whole world changes from black and white and stark to color and i feel happy, confident, fulfilled, hopeful, loving, optomistic. to have lost my job and still in that stark world feels pretty terrible.
i know she loves me but she has no idea how to help me out of this darkness. even if she knows she will not make love to the person she said she loves. there are too many walls. outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom.
it looks like everest. but i am thinking maybe life shouldn't be everest - and even if i climbed this mountain, would the reward fill the void in my life? sorry for all the symbolism... i am listening to mogwai and feeling particularly dark this morning.
Sorry to hear about the job that a kick in the gut on top of Everything else. I know things suck for you right now but you’ll get through it.
There are a couple of books that have Soothed me when I was really down. “Going to Pieces Without falling apart” by Mark Epstein and “Consolations of Philosophy” by Alain de Botton, if you’re a reader check them out.
I just wanted to comment on a few of the things that You have said.
“after we have sex the whole world changes from black and white and stark to color and I feel happy, confident, fulfilled, hopeful, loving, optimistic.”
This sounds like you are using sex to feel these positive emotions and not as an expression of these positive things that already are within you and want to share.
This ties in to the next thing.
“even if I climbed this mountain, would the reward fill the void in my life?”
What do you think? Do you think having sex with your Soon to be ex is all that stands in your way of happiness?
Anyways take care of yourself, people do care and I Know that it sucks right now just don’t ignore the lessons that life is showing you right now.
Quote: she took off the ring and started telling friends and family that it is off
Why is it that you're still hanging around?
Honey, you are being given your walking papers AND an open door. I'm so sorry about the job thing-- but as you point out, that could be a blessing in disguise.
What are you waiting for? I don't mean that as a rhetorical question... is there some particular thing you need to get permission to walk? She's taken off the ring. She's telling her friends and family that the wedding is off. What more do you need?
Do you feel as if YOU have failed in some way and you don't want to walk away from a failure? This is simply a case of wanting different things in a relationship. You are so young. You have the chance to find real happiness with a woman who is crazy about you AND your body. You have a chance to find someone with whom you can share a lifetime of love and lovemaking producing beautiful children... someone to walk with through difficult times, knowing that you have a solid foundation beneath your feet. Are you likely to have that future with your current girlfriend (if you can still call her that)?
But take this warning seriously: if you do break up with this gf and you start dating again, WATCH OUT for red flags early in the relationship. When you see one: RUN. Take it slow and don't get in too deep until you feel you are on solid ground. There is no need to rush these things.
I agree with Lil. You are in a bad, vulnerable place. Don't compound the issues by continuing to flog the dead horse of this R. First, start taking care of yourself and getting some networking and job hunting going. Go to the library and find some good resume and jobhunting materials. Second, kiss gf goodbye and wish her a very happy life somewhere with someone. Third, find a hobby that is cheap and lets you meet others. Fourth, meet your spiritual needs in some way - church, getting out in nature, reading religious texts, mediatation, whatever. Finally, if you find you are not rebounding well you may need to see your family doc for an anti-depressant. Situational depression is very common when so much is going on. It doesn't mean that you will need meds for life but maybe just the short term.
I forget how old Sinking is, but I recall he's in his mid 20s.
<harp music - scene gets blurry - Hairdog dreamily looks skyward and picture fades to ->
<A 20something Hairdog, looking in the mirror>
Dang! Where did all your gray hair go? Ohmigod, I'm 20something again! And, although I'm pretty sad that my frigid girlfriend dumped me, the upside of that is, I am single! Oh crap, I lost my job. Of course, the upside of that is, I have some free time, can look for a new job that is better than the old one, and WTF, I can go ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD!
