Quote: as for the music thing - i am confident of my abilities. it's just a matter of time before it's full time. i have another good job, but the point about her appreciating my interests is a fascinating idea. she claims to feel hurt that pour so much energy into the music and not our wedding
Well... in her mind, you can swap out the word 'wedding' and insert her name, or, 'our life together.' That is why I had suggested calling off the wedding ceremony, but not the R.
Quote: - but she knows why i am not excited about the wedding. the sex. which makes it all worse. she says i am 'holding a carrot in front of her'.
Well, in a sense, you ARE holding a carrot in front of her, for she sees you wanting something FROM her to satisfy a personal want/need... and you don't really care about anything else in your lives other than getting a certain amount of something FROM her. She does not feel wanted or needed BY you... meaning... the amount of sex you get from her is more important to you than SHE is, as a person.
This is often a HUGE misconception for many couples. But the two of you, together, are doing something to perpetuate this feeling, and I'd say this is what you need to discover, so you can correct it.
Quote: i suppose we're back to the same solution: if i had half a brain i'd get out as fast as i can. the only thing that will save me is bravery and courage.
I don't know... I think Cobra had a very good point... you need to discover what is driving you 'below the surface' that has you helping create the situation you now find yourself, or you are likely to go out and do it again with someone else.
Lack of sex is usually just an indicator of something else going wrong within the R. It is a symptom of a problem, not the problem itself. Even though it feels like it.
So perhaps your mental framework could be (and you have to decide this) is to approach your W2B and say to her "it isn't about the sex. It's the fact that you and I cannot resolve this problem. You see it one way, and I see it another, and we cannot find common ground. The solution is not for this to become LESS important to me, or that it become MORE important to you. We are who we are. But the problem still remains unresolved. THAT is what bothers me... for if we cannot solve THIS together, what else will we not be able to solve together?"
See what I mean? But you getting OUT of the R isn't necessarily the solution, either. You are contributing to half of this. Figure out why. THEN you will know what you need to do for you, not what we all think you should do.
