I also think Corri made an excellent post. Her down to reality viewpoint is what you need to keep in mind, but even with the idea that you find a woman who is more practical, that aspect of her could change when kids come along. There is a reason for the old adage that you look to the mom to know what the daughter will be like later in life. So even the most pragmatic appearance can be a little deceptive.
she's WAY more put together than me (i'm a musician) in practical ways... and we both look at each other with amazement.
Following on that comment of mine, this comment of your’s bothers me some. I am sure there are successful musicians in the world who can earn a very good living. Are you one of them? Do you earn enough to support a new and growing family, PLUS have the ability to increase your income over and above the inflation rate into the future? My impression is that the majority of musicians love their trade but may not make a good living and end up relegating it to a hobby, taking on other professional work to earn a living.
How will you feel if your future wife decides you two (and your kids) need more income to survive in the manner she is accustomed to? How will you react if she wants you to find a new career? Do you have a college degree with which you could do this? I’m not picking on you, but if you are just a musician in a band doing nightly gigs, I think you are opening the door to some possible problems in the future. If you are good, can get recording contracts, etc, then things should be fine. However, I get the impression you are young and VERY VERY NAÏVE of the world and of life in general. Dieda’s book is excellent and you need to really assess what YOU want in life and what you want to accomplish.
If you are a successful man, then your wife will not be able to exert the leverage over you that others speak of, at least not to the degree she otherwise could. If you can dedicate yourself to your career vision instead of your wife, she will have less leverage over you and she will be happier for it too.
I see the bulk of your issues as YOU not knowing what you want and she not respecting you for it. You are close to falling into a martyr role in which you look to your wife to be your surrogate mother and rescue you, to make you happy, to solve your problems. That is nothing but trouble.
If this will be the second wedding postponement, what was the reason for the first?
