I hate to rain on the parade of the parade rainers... jesus... from the likes of us, you'll NEVER get married... not that I'm a marriage advocate... but.
The thing that most of the people on this board are picking up on is your romantic, sentimental notions of marriage. We've all Been There, Done That. Some more than others.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being romantic, sentimental, or idealistic. NOTHING. You just don't want to be in that frame of mind when you are considering marriage.
I don't know what line of work you are in... but if I were you... I'd pull back a bit, and consider looking at a marriage as if you were looking at a business deal. VERY unromantic notion. There isn't anything really romantic about mortgages, either, but it's still a life-time commitment of your blood, sweat and tears, paying that MFer off, know what I'm saying? And before you sign your hard-earned life away, I'm willing to BET you READ all the fine print and consider whether you are willing to agree, eh?
Look. Love is a wonderful thing. Especially the love-induced chemical phase that makes us fck like bunnies the first two years. Great place to be. Doesn't last. There are TONS of things you can do to MAKE it last... but you and your partner have to be on the same page... or at the very least, in the same ball park. I'm getting that you are in the SuperDome playing football, and she's on an English Lawn playing croquett. A very LARGE ocean seperates you.
My advice to you is... and you are as smart as whip for getting there BEFORE the M (hats off to you AND her for going)... if you have already set a wedding date, call it off indefinitely. And I'm saying, call off the wedding, not the engagement. Get yourself into therapy... and give yourself a timeframe... at least 12 months (if you are willing to invest the time). See what happens. The fact that she is going to therapy to begin with tells me she is at least WILLING to acknowledge some problems, and that puts her heads and shoulders above most LDs here. There is HOPE at least. But... as most HDs who are married here no... hope is cheap. ACTION/RESULTS are the payoff.
If you continue on in therapy but still have a wedding date set... I'm afraid you will see results and think they are part of the therapy... and not part of her 'high' that comes from planning a WEDDING, and a LIFE, and a HOME... girls... especially with their first marriage... can get LOST in life planning details. It's some weird funky high we get... ask any man here. (Except for me. I HATE formal weddings. Give me a beach, some beer, a lovely cotton beach dress... some Parrot Head music... nuptuals at sunset... let's say "I do," chat with friends by the fire, then wander away and fck on the beach. Amen. Pass the potatoes). Though... that's not the way I did it the first time. But I am a smart chick, and I've learned the error of my ways.
Anywhooo... I digress. Call OFF the wedding, but not the R. Start looking at it like a business agreement... though she is utterly fascinting to you (as some business clients are), though she may have a unique product line (as some small businesses do)... does she have a way, a means, and a marketing savvy to get her product to market... and KEEP it there? Does she have the drive to sustain the bottom line? Can she hold up under pressure when the market hits a down slope? Can she hire and fire employees? Does she have the grit and stamina to make it through the good and bad times?
These are serious questions, though I am spouting them out at you tongue and cheek. At this point, my answer would be no... and this whole illusion you have about SEX is just killing me. This is YOUR illusion, you know. Not, at all, realistic.
Tell you what. (WHERE the hell is blackfoot when you need him?). Go get this book... if you do nothing else... GET this book: The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida. K? Promise?
Don't feel too down, kiddo. There is hope... as long as some action comes with it.
