Thanks Muddle, you make some interesting points to "Muddle" over! As far as respect, in a way it is respectful to ask for what you want BUT it is disrespectful to continue pushing for something when you know the other party is not interested in meeting those needs. It's kind of like the guy in high school who would endlessly pursue some poor girl despite her lack of interest. Rarely would that ever result in something positive happening for the guy. I don't want to be that guy! My W also comes from a culture which demands returns for favours. If I am always doing nice, caring things for her then her cultural background demands she return it yet right now she can't and that creates guilt, anger and sometimes hugging that isn't really desired. I like your point about the reason for doing things, if it is genuine then it is respectful, if it is manipulative it is not. I always want to hug because I want to hold her and be held BUT is it getting me anywhere in my sitch? Is it pushing her away and making her concentrate on how to push me away rather than looking at important things. This is my dilema. So for now, I tone it down and give her space. Last night was interesting, I returned from my Yoga class and she offered and brought me a bowl of soup she had just cooked, she made arrangement for the kids today as it is a day off for them (usually that is my job) and this morning I made everyone's lunch, as I usually do, and before I left I told her I'd made one (as I wasn't sure of her plans re lunch with D9 and she had been asleep)she said "THANKS FOR DOING THAT, but I was intending to take D9 out for lunch". I said "OK, I'll just stick it in the fridge". I wonder if there was a connection between my new actions of the previous night and what she did in response? We shall see. Thanks again Muddle, as always you provide wonderful food for thought. Hope things are going well for you.
