I don't really think that choosing not to act loving towards your W is accomplishing what you would like it to. You're trying to send a message, but it can be percieved as something completely different. Unless you make it very clear to her WHY you are not doing things it can and likely will be read as "Whatis is angry. He's lashing out at me". No wonder she's pissed and slept downstairs. Now on the other hand, if you said to her: "Honey, I feel like I do a lot for you and I am not getting my needs met in this relationship. This is a recipe for building a lot of resentment on both our parts, and in the interest of avoiding this, I have decided to stop doing for you until you are ready to discuss our expectations for our relationship going forward. I very much enjoy loving you in this way, and a big reason that I do is because you enjoy this too. I hope that we can come to an agreement about our relationship so that we can resume these mutually enjoyable interactions with a new balance." or something along these lines, the meaning of your actions would be clear. It comes across as passive aggressive and vindictive to me, and I have no doubt that someone that is motivated to see you in less than ideal light might see something even darker in it.
On the other hand, it no doubt is liberating to you to do this. I suggest you continue this, but take the vagueness or confusion out of it. Care for yourself with the energy you would have put into doing for her, but make it very clear why you are doing so.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
