Heywyre, I think the issue with common courtesy and my W is one that I’ve tended put on the backburner. When DBing one must focus your energy on the goals you’ve decided on. If we go after every issue that gets tossed at us by the S we will be exhausted and disillusioned at all the losses! This issue was one that sits in the back of my mind and pokes its way out periodically. As I said before, I once did begin addressing her behaviours not too long ago and it just seemed to make her more agitated so I dropped it and chose to ignore instead. Right now, I think I’ll stay focused on trying to get her to come to counseling. If I start pushing the courtesy button it may actually give her something else to ruminate about and take the focus off that decision. If she is not willing to go for counseling then I will address this and other strategies with my therapist. Again, I believe a plan is a must in staying motivated, focused and achieving small victories, at present I do not have this!
So, rest assured I do not excuse her lack of courtesy because, you are correct, her issues are her issues. I may just stop doing some of the small things that invite those kind of responses like getting her coat, offering gum, opening the car door etc. Give her less room to exercise those negative behaviours without openly confronting and angering her. It will be difficult as I am by nature a respectful and caring person but if it ain’t working stop doing it, try something new! We’ll see. Thanks for your thoughts, your caring support is greatly appreciated.
PS. I think I should clear up the impression I may have given that she is rude and insensitive all the time, that is not the case. But it is often enough that it is noticable at times and even my 9 year old commented on it to her once, that cracked me up! Much of the time she is distant and doesn't bother with niceties but she does thank me for things at times. So, I just want to be fair here and correct the record!
