Thanks Muddle, I think you may have some valid points here. When one gets frustrated and can't see anywhere to go the anger and "gossip", as you put it, comes into play. Thanks for pointing it out. Again, I'm hoping that working with the SF counsellor will help put me on a planned approach to this cuz I'm tuckered out here. My W really is depressed and disinterested in anything but her job right now, she tries to stay connected with her family but, yes, my job is to try and connect with her in ways that are valid to her. I talked with a friend this morning and he pointed out that when I say to W "Is there anything you need" I'm saying she is "needy", pointing out her percieved inadaquacy. I'm also stating the I can fix it if she wants me to. He suggested I just say "would you like to talk" period. I think his point is quite perceptive and worth a try. When I say "Is there anything I can do for you" I am again saying that "I" can take care of her, not helpful. The other thing I noticed about last night was that I did change something and got a different response. Instead of carrying on about my brothers situation despite her lack of visible interest, I stopped and left the room. Later she came to me to ask if I would like to finish the story. I pulled back, she approached me. That is a change. Little things matter. Thanks for checking in on me guys. It has been a very stressful time in my life the past month or so.
