Well, locked out again. Am I tied with OSU yet for the lead in that category? Update: This weekend W wants to go away as a family. She told the girls she wanted to spend time with her family. She asked me whether we could afford it and I said we should go for it. Is this a good sign on her part? Who knows, I don't bother much with these "signs" anymore cuz my W floats more "good indications" than anyone else on the BB! Yet nothing ever really changes much. So, I will go away with my family, enjoy that family time for what is is and what ever will be will be! BTW they think my Dad had Norwalk Virus, and his symptoms sure would fit with that. He's up and around and went to his doctor appointment by himself today, he's looking and feeling much better.
I'm glad that your father is much better...that is a relief for sure.
As far as family time, who knows, go and have a good time, you never know how the W's trip went, maybe it wasn't so pleasant...this might be her way of making it up, for now.
Use the PMA - enjoy - have a fun time - take pictures, etc.
Thanks, 1210. W had a fine time on her weekend, she's upstairs babbling on the phone to OP right now, about work she has been all week. She's been her usual uncommunicative self this week, barely speaks to me. It's the same work sh!t that she babbled to me about for weeks, I can understand enough of her language to know this. I will just enjoy letting someone else listen to it endlessly. She can't ever just let something be and move on, she must obsess about it and allow it to dictate her moods constantly. I honestly think obsessing about work just keeps her from looking at her personal life. As long as OP just keeps trying to baby her and make everything better it will continue. Better her than me, I guess! Hey, my SFC course begins next week, something to look forward to. W was thrilled when I showed her the handouts I was just emailed, well, actually she grunted and walked away. Oh well, I can't change her, I have enough trouble with me!
Whatis is ANGRY today! I've actually calmed down now but the frustration was getting to me. We planned to go away for really an overnight family trip. No problem, I was in full agreement. There are numerous attractions to see there (in a short period of time) and W had mentioned a pass you can purchase there. Fine. This morning (she decided not to go to work this morning) 10 minutes before leaving she starts searching online for options. She starts throwing all these choices, you know ..."we could do this but then we can't do this, we can eat here but if we do then there's no sense..." and wants instant decisions. Of course, oldest D says "I don't care" (which pisses W off) and I need time to digest things. So she left angry and I let my frustration show. We had the last few nights to discuss this if necessary but no, she has to spend the evening babbling with OP, and then throw it in my face 10 minutes before going out the door. I think I was pretty good in arranging the pretty much last minute accomidations (at least in my books). I'm not great having things just thrown at me at the last minute and she knows it! She just called to discuss things with me and I was actually starting to feel overwhelmed!!! Self talk here: It's just a lousy overnight trip, get a grip Whatis! So it's all worked out but typical of my W. STuff everything into the last minute and get pissed off when I'm not in full co-operation mode. This is part of the issue in our M, there is no compromise on her part. It's all "do it my way, or I'm pissed off" and "if you can't handle doing it my way then YOU must have a problem". This is what ticks me off but at least she did call and we worked out the arrangement together. Why does she want to constantly create these stupid situations? Then I usually get left with trying to put something together out of this, at least this time she didn't just leave it to me to figure out. With OP she does no planning, she says "that's not my job". So, it's up to OP to plan things and please her with her choices. Wow, I do know that feeling, it's stressful and sucks! So, today I spend the day fighting with D12 to get her off the computer. I've banned her for the rest of the day. I suggested we go to a movie today but she doesn't want to. W was not impressed with D's response to my suggestion either (nor was I). The kid just wants to sit around staring at the screen all day. God, I hope we all live through this overnight trip
OK, I think I may be sane again! I think the last few weeks have just been truly stressful and I may have peaked this morning! I felt really overwhelmed but now I think I've squarely placed the cheese back on my cracker!
I thought I'd share some quotes from OSHO, a rather controversial figure, but I do like some of his stuff. I hope they are helpful to others in some way. The first two are about "pursuit", something I think we DBers are familiar with:
"Happiness is always a by-product. It is not the result of a direct pursuit. It happens when you are not even thinking of it." Does he mean DETACHMENT?
"Unhappiness has a certain relationship to pursuit, a partnership. If you "pursue" you will find unhappiness" Who would have thought, eh
"Unless you start living in the present, you will not be able to forget and forgive the past"
"...in the beginning, when you are creating the problem, is the solution - don't create it!"
"Whenever somebody else is responsible for your misery, you are not aware that by giving the responsibility away you are losing your freedom"
"If you don't want darkness, bring light in. If you want darkness, then put the light off! But do something with the light, nothing can be done with darkness directly"
in regards to the ego, "Misery makes you special. Happiness is a universal phenomenon, there is nothing special about it!"
"you can control only a miserable person. An ecstatic person is bound to be free"
and lastly, "Don't sympathize too much with people who are miserable. If somebody is miserable , help but don't sympathize. Don't give him the idea that misery is something worthwhile."
Hey, one more! "If you have loved totally, there is no question. One day if the lover leaves, that simply means now our ways are parting. We can say goodbye, we can be thankful to each other" Sorry, I'm not there yet! I hope these are somehow inspiring to others, if not I've distracted you for awhile and that's pretty darn good
Quote: Don't sympathize too much with people who are miserable. If somebody is miserable , help but don't sympathize. Don't give him the idea that misery is something worthwhile.
Someone once told me a long time ago - and I think of it often these days - that the trouble with getting involved with people that have problems is their problems become yours.
Also, as per our psychologist - It is easy to empathize with someone but when you start feeling sorry for someone is when they have taken control of your emotions and the problems start
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Do you think it might be time to sit down with her and let her know how this last minute fiasco disrupted the family? Maybe, your W loves the control techniques with the OP and brings them home to control you...
Either way...I hope you have/had a nice time...
BTW...I like the last quote from OSHO, the best....
Actually 1210, I was thinking that next time I will bring up the planning aspect. They say it makes no sense to keep on doing things that aren't working and keep expecting different results. I know my W's propensity towards stress and chaos and therefore should not take for granted that somehow she is going to suddenly adapt to my way of doing things. Next time I will suggest we sit down and plan rather than continuing to do the SAME! She gets so caught up in herself that she just forgets to do the planning and when it hits her it's "Oh my God, what are we going to do!"So I'm learning here. She also knows I hate this approach to things, I'm much more liable to go with no plans and just do whatever, which she hates! It's the old compromise thing which is not her strong suit these days. Live and learn. I guess I am really just as responsible for my own misery in this as she is (OSHO would be proud!). I'm ready to have fun...finally! She is not responsible for my good or bad time, I am. Thanks to everyone for dropping by. Tom, I thought threesomes were every guys dream? What happened to you?
Maybe it would be better to plan ahead, although I prefer to wing it as well...but, your W likes structure it seems, but I just wish she was more flexible...geez...
