I am so hurt

[princess_nic]

I am waiting for a therapist to return a call to set up meetings. I know that I need help. I spent over 20 years in that situation. Need to work on self esteem and for stronger me.

Good! I am happy to hear that. Please keep on it until you get an appointment. You're right that after 20 yrs of living like that, you feel beaten down. You really do need outside help.

I have let go of some of my guilt feelings. I know now that my leaving was justified.

Great! I am so proud of you for saying that. Taking that step must have been the hardest thing for you to do.

Also, I laugh more. That was a deep desire of mine.

That is always a good sign.

I will be ok. Most of my days I am alright.

Please remember this when things look bleak. You were NOT better off with him. If he changes, you could consider going back, but for now, please take care of yourself, get back on your feet and get strong.

But, my son lives there has no transportation. Even though I tell him that I don't want to go over there. I still pick him up or drop him off. And I see and it hurts.

Can you meet him or drop him off at a neutral location, like mall? I can understand that that would be hurtful.

Thank you for answering my post. I do care, and I am happy that you are taking your depression seriously. A book I would recommend is "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" by Beverly Engle (I'm not sure of the sp of author's name). It could help you understand why you feel the way you do, and also why you ended up in that R and how to avoid it next time.

Best wishes,
Nicola