Quote: What does that mean? What should I do with that thought? How should it change my behavior and even my perception? I’m not sure. All of those roles still need to be done, and should be done well. She is doing those roles now and is doing a good job. And, at the current state of our relationship, how do I show I value her as a person?
This goes right back to expectations. What you realized is that you EXPECTED her to do all those things and those expectations began to define her in your mind. When she did them, she was being a "good her" and when she didn't, she was not. You lost sight of the fact that beyond all that, she AND you needed to remain human beings, free from outside expectation and able to see and be seen for their core being.
It happens to all of us and I think those of us that make it through something like these sitches come out the other side with a healthy perspective on what it means to be a real person standing next to another real person in a committed relationship. To value them is to first value yourself. If all you think about is what role YOU play, that's how you'll think of them and so forth.
Learn to define who YOU are and you'll start to figure out how to respect, value and express joy over who she is...unless it turns out that you really don't respect, value or feel joy over who she turns out to be.
In any event, the key, as always, lies within you. Find it and use it.
