More babbling... I think what I'm worried about is that anger isn't the opposite of love, apathy is. I'm worried that my wife is apathetic toward me. It's hard to tell. She fears anger, hers as well as others. I've rarely seen her angry. It must have been there, I just didn't notice it.
But, although I'm worried, I don't have the knot in my guts I usually have. I'm thinking again of how I want to change the bedroom to fit me more, instead of us. I'm feeling stronger.
Sometimes I think about her leaving, for OM or just for herself, and it makes me really sad, but I think I can handle it now. The thought that really worries me is if she wants to take the kids. I can feel a little frantic over that, but I then put the kids wellfare first and I would do what is best for them, whatever that might be.
Tonight we have couples communications class, followed by MC session. I don't know what to expect from either - I have no expectations. After last MC session, she initiated R talk. I want that to happen tonight, but I also don't. If nothing has changed, why talk about it.
So back to my personal demon, patience. TL told me I couldn't complain until April. I think April 1st is a fare goal/deadline. I'll set my sights on that. My W will have her PhD by then, and hopefully a job. She will be feeling more confident and fullfilled. Then maybe she can decide what she wants in regards to me.
M45, W4,S15, D10,
Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06
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