Wondering if I'm piecing or Last Resort

[kirby]

Thanks Concerned,
Did you read Lillypad's post to me? What do you think? I think you both are right. I can be piecing but still slow down, learn patience, and give her space. I think I'll have to feel my way through this and try to avoid my bad habit of wanting to talk and fix too much.

You are so rigth about the trust issue. When my wife first came back, she lied to herself and me. She wanted our R to work, and she said all the right things. She couldn't keep it up though, and she pulled away. I believed her at first, and it hurts almost as much that she's pulled away this time as it did when she left. I find it hard to trust anything positive that I see. We've talked about this, and I've asked and she's agreed, to only do what she wants to do. If she is nice to me, if I see something positive, I will try to accept it as real. I want to ask point blank if the A is completely over. That might help with trust, but I know I would always wonder if it has started up again. She isn't willing to play the part where she tells me everything and reassures me constantly, so I'll have to manage these feeling myself.

And that's what you told me, and that's what I understand the MC telling me, that I have to manage my own issues. They aren't hers, she can't and won't help me with them.

As I mentioned a post or 2 ago, I think I'm getting addicted to this place. I think I may be enjoying my pain a little bit. I think I need to look into that. Self pity is OK for a little while, martyrdom can be fun (up until they set fire to the stake), but neither is healthy way to live. Maybe this is part of what Lilypad is saying. I've been relying on the support I've gotten here. I'm glad everyone was here to help me, and will be here when I need it. I'll try to return the favor to newcomers and others when I can. And, I'll try to stop obsessing, which means breaking my NEED to post and see responses.

Thanks again, CL, and Happy new year. I hope you are doing well.