Kirby, It sounds like you two are in Piecing to me--though in the early stages. The fact that she came back and has been home for two months, gives you an opportunity to work on the R.
You're struggle is the trust issues, and feelings of insecurity. These are your issues to manage. You will have to practice strategies that are soothing, distracting, and promote tolerance of distressing emotions. It sounds like you realize the snooping behavior is not helpful. You will work on containing it. You will need to work on acceptance of the current state of the R, and that she is somewhat distant at this time.
I commend you for the work you're putting into Piecing--marriage counseling, educations classes, and reading. This is sound preparation for increasing awareness of what you will need to work on to influence the R in a positive way to get the R in a place you want.
Concerned_Listener
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
