Since no one wants to play today and at work I'm in a holding pattern for a while, I spent the day reading Grasshopper's posts. I only got through the first 'saga' (as I think he calls them). It's helpful, I think, to know I'm not alone. He's been through it, as have the rest of you. He seems very similar to me (low self esteem, always asking W what she wants, talk things to death, etc).In many ways, his sitch was worse. I don't know if I would have the strength to make it in his sitch.

I can't believe how similar his and my sitchs are (how many times have you heard that?). I will try to find the time to read more, although I've skipped to the end and, unless things have changed recently, there is a happy ending, or a happy beginning. That should give me hope.

Here is something I copied from GH's thread
Quote:

"From Imdi99, 1/13 res
I am a non-communicative W, with a H who liked to talk about feelings/emotions and our R. Years ago, before all of this started, I couldn't do it...it wasn't in my nature...i didn't know how. And i felt like if we talked about it, then i had to admit there was a problem and i didn't want to do that b/c i felt like it was my fault (i've struggled with depression). So, i thought if i ignored it, it would just go away. Perhaps your W isn't ready to fully accept her responsibility in the breakdown of your M"


This is my wife. She has never been able to talk. She keeps everything inside. I hope C will be able to help her. I tried for years to get her to open up, then accepted her. Maybe I should have kept trying.

She is still so non-communicative that I'm left totally in the dark about what she is feeling. She is so cool (cold?) and can act normal so well (as she did before she dropped the bomb, hence the surprise) that I fear my sitch will not improve. We will need to learn to communicate if we have a M/R again.

I think I might have it better than some (tell me it's true, so I can feel good about something) because my wife came home, is living in the house, and can be pleasant to me. The OM is in another state, as far as I know, which helps some too. And she has gone to C with me twice now.

But, reading others threads, I see some affection, touching, closeness even when things were awful. I would love a momentary touch from my W, or a hug. I'm thankful I usually get a 'good night' from her.

There, a little self pity. Today I called my friend, mainly just to hear a friendly voice. He ended up telling me about a miscommunication and 'fight' he had with his girl friend. My friend is so attuned to relationships, listening, validating, etc. that it was surprising that he could and does have the same kind of problems. His are obviously on a smaller scale, but very similar. Relationships, by nature I think, are hard.

My next topic will probably be detaching; what it means, how to care and still detach, how to have a R and be detached.

I've become adicted to his message board. If I don't get some comments soon, I might have to try a different forum, and find new freinds



M45, W4,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06 current thread