This past Saturday, my husband and I had a 3 hour date. Seems like 3 hours lasted soooo long.
I felt so satisfied afterwards. He took me out to a good restaurant. We had a bit of a serious relationship talk. He said he knew that he loves me, but still doesn't know whether he wants to take the risk of getting back together with me. He said half of him wants to take off somewhere, like Hawaii and become a beach bum. The other half wants to give our marriage another shot. He said he's afraid that whatever he ends up chosing will be a choice that he regrets.
So, he's stuck.
And he admitted that he's not made very much effort at moving to my town.
Well, I got sad. And I said, well, in that case, just go ahead and move ahead with the divorce. I don't want you in my life unless you WANT to be here.
He left the table for a second to go to the bathroom. That allowed me to refocus.
I put it aside and tried to get back into good PMA and friend mode.
He took me to a book store for the remainder of our date.
I told him that I wanted to show him the Michele books. All they had was 'Change your life'. So, we grabbed that and sat down to talk.
He really listened to me. He reached out to me several times to stroke my arm. He looked me in the eye a lot. And not once did he do the usual, I'm bored, why are you talking me to death, act.
I told him that I didn't think that he needed to make a decision. That if he would just committ to moving to my town, then, live with me for a bit, he'd be able to make a decision. He'd quickly see that our marriage is save-able. I told him the reason I thought we could do it is because these problems aren't unique to us. And I gave him many funny examples from Michele's book that applied to us. He and I were talking lightheartedly and laughing about our problems.
I did very well in not laying blame on either of us, but rather in showing him how our actions were actually a circle, when he does this, I do that...but when I do that, he does this.
He really understood. And I think he was really relieved to see that these are common issues.
We had a very intense, but light hearted talk.
He asked many questions.
And at the end of the conversation, he asked me to be patient with him for 6 more months. To allow him 6 more months to get a job and move to my town before giving up on our relationship.
I told him that I could do that.
I called him up 2 days after our date. I told him that I'd been floating for the past 2 days because I felt like he really heard me and understood me. He sounded so warm and happy and said that he was glad he'd made me feel that way.
And when he found out it was me on the phone, he went beyond his usual happy greeting to a really warm greeting.
AND he kissed me on the head.
Progress!!
Now, if only he could find his way to my lips! But it's probably good that he hasn't. It's been 7 months and I'm not sure I could control myself if he gave me a real kiss.
As for me, I'm up early this morning because I just finished doing 30 minutes of Yoga. I'm sore too...
