Thanks for dropping by. I've always aspired to write books for children. I have 2 that I have started...perhaps I'll try to complete one!
As for the doing 1/4 of what my impulses tell me...well, I've erased his phone numbers from my cell phone so that if I want to call him, I have to look up the numbers.
That should slow me down long enough to remind me why I erased them.
Well, the last time I spoke to him, he said that he'd try to take saturday off from work because he wanted to spend some time with me.
Well, I called his work and they said that he was off until monday. However, he didn't show up for our date, didn't call/email me. So, he got the time off, but chose to spend it other than with me.
I have to keep reminding myself that I SHOULDN'T be number one for him, only person that should put me first is me. And I shouldn't put him first, but rather should be putting me first.
I know...a lot of shoulds in that statement...but this is something I'm still struggling with. That it's necessary to put me first so that I can have good relationships with others without expecting that they'll put me first. It's not their job, it's mine.
Still, my feelings are hurt. He's saying one thing and doing something else.
So, if nothing else, it's my signal to back off again. To go back to not calling him...but letting him come to me in his own time.
Man that's sooooo hard for me to do. But, that's why it's a 180 for me.
And to complicate things, I'm noticing some side effects in my weaning off of zoloft.
For one thing, the 'trails' are back. When I wave my hand in front of my face, Instead of only seeing my hand move in a steady flowing motion, I see what looks like my hand moving in a strobe light.
Also, the other day, I didn't take my flax seed oil or my vitamin B's and I got that depressed/black cloud feeling again.
I asked a friend of mine who is also weaning off of zoloft if she had anything. And she did...something called "Positive Thoughts". It had some vitamins and some St. John's wort, which I know I'm not supposed to take with Zoloft. But I took it and I felt better. Still, I felt like a junkie begging for my fix.
So, with this going on, it's probably for the best that I go a bit dark. At least until my emotions stabilize again. I had moved from 100 mcg's of zoloft down to 75 about two weeks ago, but now the side effects are showing up. Bleh.
Well, that's probably more than ya'll wanted to hear about Zoloft. I guess I'm just journaling. But if you are still reading, thanks for being patient!
