I ended up calling my husband on the 23rd. He said, "Hey" like he would to a buddy and then said "Hey" again with a lot of warmth and happiness when he realized it was me.
He didn't mention my birthday, but the first words out of his mouth were..."I got you a Christmas present." Apparently he's made me something. I don't know what it could be, but whatever he's made is a treasure. He's never made me anything before.
He and I have talked a couple of times before he left for the holiday week with his family. Each and every time he said that he loves me before we hung up.
He talked like he's committed to our marriage again. Gone are the words about not wanting to give me false hope or not knowing what he wants.
So, I guess I'm pretty confused. He apparently didn't even realize that he missed my birthday. He's still talking pretty to me. I plan on waiting and seeing what actions he takes as far moving to my town and getting a job here, now that the holidays are over. I haven't heard from him since the 25th, since he's been out of town with his family. I think he's back in his town today, but I'm not sure. I don't remember what day he said he'd be back.
However, the biggest thing is that I've been worried about how I'd make it through the holidays since Christmas day last year, he told me that he wanted out of our marriage and I landed myself in the hospital for doing something stupid. And I have to say, I'm in a much better frame of mind, I've conquered my depression. (Not that I'm not scared of backsliding..but I really have conquered it!) I've lost 40 pounds and am back on my diet, back on track with my finances.
I've come such a long way since Christmas last year. I had a pleasant holiday season without my husband by my side. I've decreased my zoloft prescription again...only 3 more steps and I'll be drug free! Woo hoo!
Of course, to compensate, I'm making sure to do more of what works...exercise and taking flax oil pills...I've noticed a definite improvement in my feeling of well being when I take the recommended daily dose of these essential fatty acids.
I realize that I need to continue to focus on improving my life and my health, physical, mental and spiritual. I need to keep doing the things that contribute to my overall feeling of well-being.
I am still putting too much focus on my relationship with my husband.
My new years resolution:
To continue to increase my focus on myself and the positive changes I'm making in my life.
To achieve my weight loss goal by continuing to lose from 1 to 2 pounds a week.
To continue to decrease my Zoloft prescription (with Doctors assistance of course!) by 25 mcg (or whatever the dosage abbreviation is )
To exercise at least 4 times a week for at least 20 min.
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