That's what I'm doing. From the begining, I've called him or emailed him except for when I had first moved out. He had sent me two emails. One just to make sure I was ok, and one to resolve an issue he was having with the electric company.
Just recently, he had told me that he was thinking about me and that he missed me.
I had told him, if you'll remember that I was reaching the end of my rope and that he needed to move to my town and get a job for us to continue. He said he would.
I 'helped' him by finding all sorts of job openings in my town. Steph and Phoenix warned me that this might backfire on me. I expressed my concern that it might indeed backfire.
I found the perfect job for him. I'm working in a University and found a job for him with another department in the University. One of my former bosses works in that department, so I emailed both my old boss and my spouse. My former boss offered to look over my husband's resume and give him advice.
My husband promised to fax in his application on Monday. Friday I asked him if he'd heard back from either my former boss or the Human Resources department. He confessed that he hadn't bothered to send in his app.
I said, "Oh. Well, I better go now. I'll talk to you later."
He said, "Wait, are you mad?"
I told him I was, that I practically handed him a job and all he had to do was apply and he'd most likely have it. He said he was sorry, I was right and he'd apply right away, after giving me a lame excuse about not having enough time.
(Here I am working full time during the week, going to school on the weekend in his town, and making Christmas crafts for presents for everyone...and HE doesn't have time? Whenever I call him, he's always telling me about the great time he's having playing computer games.)
In any case, he emailed me and said he'd sent his resume to my former boss. And he signed it that he loved me.
Oh, and during my expressing my anger about him not applying to the job, I told him that it seemed that he didn't really want to work on our marriage. He said he did and that he was sorry.
So, then I'm irritated because he's talking sweetly but taking very little action.
And then my birthday comes and goes. No contact whatsoever from him.
Perhaps I moved to quick. Perhaps he's 'rebelling' against me. Perhaps he's just saying sweet things so that I'll shut up.
I don't know.
At this point, I don't care.
I'm going dark. Retreating in pain.
Funny thing about this is: My mother has always said that she tackles things head on. Yet, when she's been hurt, she retreats in pain too. She calls it, "Not wanting to intrude on someone's life. When they stop being mad, they'll contact her." Whatever....she's just retreating in pain too. A rose by any other name is still a rose.
