He was drunk. When we first started dating when he was drunk, he'd cuddle up close to me and whisper in my ear, "I love you". Of course I loved that. He kept saying it again and again. He'd tell me he loved me 20 times in an hour!
Heh.
Well, today I called him up and he was drunk. Said this was the first time that he's had a drink since we separated. That's really interesting because he was going out with the boys and drinking about once every week or every two weeks.
He got sweet with me on the phone. Called my baby and darling. He acted silly, burped loudly in my ear. I told him I thought I should call him back later....and he became all worried that I was angry.
I chuckled and told him that I wasn't angry...just grossed out!
He promised not to do that again.
Laugh.
In any case, I think this just underlines what people have been telling me and what I've been reading on these boards.
IF the walk away spouse wants to come back, then they will....BUT on their time table.
I guess I'm detaching from him. And I'll say to myself that I won't think about him anymore and then the next thing I know, I'm reaching for the phone to tell him about something funny I just read.
I don't take this to mean that he's a habit, I think it just shows how much I love him, despite what my mind says/rages.
I give up. I don't know how to strategize anymore. I plan/worry/fret/think myself to the point of going cross-eyed. and then find myself ignoring the plan and reaching for the phone to chat with him.
Obviously, I'm still on the rollercoaster, but it seems to be my mind that's a rollercoaster, not the relationship.
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!
Focus on me, keep my PMA up, get lots of sleep, drink lots of water and take my vits.
