Was there anyone in your family who's anger you feared? Was sarcastic language, or demeaning language part of your childhood?
Absolutely. I lived in constant fear of my father's anger. Not that he was a tyrant... he just got very angry when I or my brothers did something wrong, and I don't think he realized that I was sensitive to it. I also have two significantly older brothers, and a number of older cousins that I grew up close to. My early years (I'm thinking specifically up to age 6) were not really good years for our families, and there was a lot of anger, crazy living situations, a lot of sarcasm, and demeaning language from the kids, not my parents.
In my mind this period of my life, which I've read is most influencial in these types of issues, was a combination of the grandparents' house scenario I mentioned earlier, and this kind of Lord of the Flies environment, where I was at the bottom of a pretty cruel pecking order, and adults were nowhere to be found.
I've talked with my brothers about this recently, and they acknowledged that it was pretty rough for me. So what have I done with this realization? Forgiven myself. Recognized my current fears as childhood holdovers, and that I am not the weak child who couldn't fend for himself then, but a man who is in charge of his own destiny and happiness.
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Just realizing now how my wife had become the present-day reincarnation of my older female cousins, though not to the same extreme. They were harsh, bitter, hateful, lots of rage. Their father had recently abandoned them during this period. My response to her criticism has undoubtedly, I see, been a throwback to then.
