I can relate to this too...needing to give myself permission to do things I want to do...I think it has something to do with guilt, not necessarily judgment.
I know my sex drive woke up as a result of having had dominating thoughts, for ex., thinking of myself as trapped and and having no other option but to give in to the sexuality. I think my H's wishy-washy behavior contributed to my own repression.
Rigley, the way I see it is that you and your W have both been very " locked in" ( for a variety of reasons which you've detailed here) and you are both removing the shackles. Your W needed anger to mobilize her, and that's creating changes within you. No matter what the outcome, I see the two of you eventually moving toward healthier territory.
