Rigley said I see exactly the same pattern as in the old restaurant selection. She wanted me to take the lead. I didn't take the lead in a manly way. She stepped in to take the lead, but resented it. When I tried to take the lead back, she resisted. BTDT.
Rigley. Is your W picky or difficult to please? If so, even when you decide, are firm, does she come up with alternatives to what you say?
My situation is/was, I ask my W what some of her preferences are. She tells me what ever I want. Then I decide but she tells me "well, not that choice." We do this a couple of times till she is satisfied. That was the old me.
What I had to do was stick to my choice after asking for a range of options that she liked. If she doesn't have a range of options and tries to shoot down my choices, then tough.
What I am seeing as a "general pattern" but it does not apply to everyone is, someone wants their SO to be responsible and competent leader, but some will complain if the choice the SO makes doesn't turn out the way they thought it should have.
As a H, I know I need to consider my W's interests, make choices that work for both of us, but I know what I consider a good outcome will not always be considered by my W as the best outcome.
I can learn to live with my choices and learn to feel OK if someone else is not happy when I know I did what I thought was right for the both of us/family.
Like in business, there is always someone who isn't going to be happy. One of my customers has a sign by his front door, it reads:
You can have it fast. You can have it cheap. You can have it done right. Pick any two. The last company that granted all three things is out of business. I am not ready to retire or go bankrupt.
The Management.
Not that the above things apply directly to R's but it helps me not to feel bad when people want more than I can deliver.
