Great point. I think this is the source of my wife's frustration in these situations. She has an incredible amount of resposibility as the working mother of three. She NEEDS me to take the lead when I'm around because she has to do it the rest of the time. In the past, I would either do as you used to, and say I didn't care, or try to guess what she wanted. Neither one fulfilled her need for me to lead.
Here's the mess. After operating in this pattern for a while, my wife has stepped in to take the lead. She resents the fact that she's having to do that, and my previous wishy-washy attempts to step back in were met with resistance. She would want me to lead AND she would want her way too. So when I move back into this position, there will be a transition period where I either give in, and let us stay in this disfunctional pattern, or detach myself from her responses, and continue to do what I think is right.
I expect the true test of this will be, once I've had a chance to live like a man for awhile, when I take the reins of our marriage back and steer us toward counseling. At that point, I should expect resistance, but I'll need to stick to my guns.
In the meantime, I need to make sure not to compromise my integrity by giving the impression that I'm fully on board with the track toward divorce. I need to be able to reverse directions without it invalidating everything that I'm currently doing and saying. So far I have managed to avoid agreeing with divorce or taking action toward that end. If it comes down to letting her get angry at me for my inaction and lack of agreement, or compromising what I want, I'll let her get angry. New Rigley can live with that.
