Wow, I didn't realize anyone other that Steph actually read what I write. Thanks Phoenix.
Well, I stopped posting because I'm usually at school on the weekends. During the week I'm at work and can use the puter.
Plus, I got mad at my husband. I felt like giving up. I've been calling him just about every day to chat. I thought things were going well, he was being loving with me, flirting with me, etc.
However, he hadn't asked me for another date. And due to our past history, I know that he does (some) things deliberatley.
[He asked me at one point if I hadn't noticed that he hadn't signed our lease to renew our apartment for the new year. I told him that I thought he was just procrastinating as usual. He said that he was not doing it because he had planned to move out come the new year and find a new place to live. (Leaving me less than a week to find myself a place to live).]
He did keep asking me to call him again, and would tell me what hours he was at work so that I could call while he was there. So, on my end, I thought things were moving along and that I was simply doing what he asked me to do.
However, the past few times I've called, he's started asking (again) why I'm calling. So, when I've said, well you asked me to call you today, his latest response was, "Oh, I did? Well, I can't chat, I must go."
GRRR!!!
So, it seems that I've fallen back into being the hunter, even though he had asked me to call. I guess he was feeling cornered and pressured again.
So, I wrote him a really nasty email and got all my feelings out. And I sent the email to me, not him.
I re-read it today and deleted it without sending to him. I know how he'd respond. He'd just get defensive.
So, while I'm not giving up...I'm going to back off.
I'll wait to hear from him. Wait for him to call me.
Previously I had stopped emailing him or calling him for a month and he asked me for a date when I did call him. And it was wonderful.
I am feeling conflicted because even though I'm going back to what has worked recently, I'm wondering if I'm going to have to be a weekend wife after all.
At one point he said that he'd rather only see me on the weekends. Not my idea of a marriage.
So, I have faith that DBing works, I've certainly gotten some really good results. However, I'm worried that our relationship won't ever progress to where he's happy living with me again and seeing me every day. He seems perfectly happy not seeing me for long spans of time.
I'm sure it's too soon to tell where I'm going to end up. But I feel as though the closer I get to him, the more I want to give to him, the more he distances himself.
This is who I am. I NEED to be able to be loving to those I love.
So, I guess the short answer to your question, Phoenix...is I'm feeling conflicted. I'm wondering if after all this, I'll ever have the white picket fence with a nice home and perhaps children some day (with him). Or if he is going to stay this way forever.
