This is interesting... this makes your W a perfect mirror image of you, Rig. She doesn't want to initiate the D because she doesn't want you to be mad at her. You don't want to resist the D because you don't want her to be mad at you.
Yep.
I'm thinking that last night I temporarily created a little space for reflection by neither resisting nor complying. It was kind of like an echo chamber, when it came to discussing divorce, with the only voice being hers. That made her nervous.
But enough of me trying to figure out what she's thinking. What's important is that I know what I think, and what I want to do...
Cobra's and Lillieperl's thoughts on validating my wife are right on, I think. I don't think she knows this, but my wife needs to hear over and over from me that I don't think she's crazy, that I do acknowledge that she had needs that weren't being met, and that I'm sorry.
In a separate breath, I think she needs to understand that my mistreatment of her stemmed from my poor self image (and her mistreatment of me) and that I'm dealing with my issues.
I think both of these things are important because the first gives her what she needs to forgive, and the second gives her what she needs to try again.
Am I back to thinking about her? Dear God.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, I've gotten Dieda's book, Cobra, and I'm still going through the exercises in the Nice Guy book, chatting with the fellows on the NMMNG bulletin board, and trying to figure out what the h*ll it means to be differentiated.
