Rigley, I have just a few random thoughts to offer for your consideration.
I noticed that your wife is operating with two conflicting ideas. For instance:
++++++++++++++++++ "At some point she accused me of just giving in to her tonight "like I always do".
AND
"One of the things you've said that's hit me the hardest is that you feel like I control you. For anyone to control you would be a tragedy. You're smart, you have a mind of your own, you have a good heart. I think what I think, but I also respect what you think.
W: Sometimes I think that that's one of my issues that goes back to childhood. That feeling controlled is really from back then."
+++++++++++++++++++
So, how can you be someone who gives into her a lot while at the same time controlling her?
I think it is because even in the times you "gave in" she knew you didn't agree.
And the lack of agreement is being translated into control.
Not only does she want to do/say/be what she wants - she wants your approval/acceptance/support. And having the lack of that overt response is what is leaving her ticked.
She's even doing that with the divorce. She knows you don't agree, she knows you don't want it. She's an adult woman who could instigate and push through a divorce with you fighting it tooth and nail - and she would/could still get the divorce.
So, it's not enough that she has the freedom to do what she wants divorce-wise - she *has* to have *you* thinking it's the right thing to do as well.
And therefore, *she* is the one being controlling.
