Does this sound like something your W could have written?
Yes. I've heard my wife say similar things, like "why didn't you step up to the plate?" "why are you reading these books now...I've been reading them for years?" "why didn't you take the medicine?"
But here's the kicker. For me at least, the threats made it worse. I had the right intentions, just not the right information and skills. Her putting a gun to my head made sex even more high stress, less enjoyable, and physically more difficult. Every time my wife approached this issue with me, she did it in a way that put me on the defensive. I'm not saying that this was her fault, but ...
