I'm a Volcano

[Lillieperl]

Is your coach aware that your W has said that YOU have to make the D happen, and that in the beginning you said “if it happens, we will do it together,” but that now you have changed your mind, and you do not plan to initiate the D? You quoted him as saying “if she hands you papers.” What papers would these be? Would they be the actual divorce papers, or her own draft of a child custody agreement? Do you see what I’m getting at—is she likely to go this far on her own, or will she simply keep pressuring YOU until YOU do what she wants?

[Heywyre]

" Quote: the grass isn't greener "

Or the one I particularly like is "the grass might seem greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed"

[Heywyre]

" Quote: the grass isn't greener "

Or the one I particularly like is "the grass might seem greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed"

[Heywyre]

" Quote: the grass isn't greener "

Or the one I particularly like is "the grass might seem greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed"

[GonnaGoBlind]

What you don't see is the sh!t the grass is growing in that makes it look greener, that is until you step in it.

[Heywyre]

Oh, and haven't we ALL done that

[Rigley]

Is your coach aware that your W has said that YOU have to make the D happen, and that in the beginning you said “if it happens, we will do it together,” but that now you have changed your mind, and you do not plan to initiate the D?

Yeah, I told him this, and that she feels "betrayed" that I've changed my mind. He simply thought I should be prepared for all outcomes, up to her actually having something ready for me to sign (which I would look over with her, but then take home with me).

I think she is likely to want to take the next step, which is to meet with a mediator.

My coach thinks that because she's dug her heels in, the approach that's most likely to work with her is for me to challenge her assumption that I want to stay married even if it makes her miserable. He feels like as long as she has this assumption, she will do anything to get out of the marriage.

[Rigley]

Let me add something. I took this sort of tack for the moveout, but I was acting. I said things I didn't mean in order get the reaction I wanted, and the result was mixed. I told him I didn't want to say I wanted a divorce, because I don't. He didn't think there was any chance that she'd believe I'd changed my mind. If I go this way, I need to make sure I'm not acting.

[Martelo]

Rigley

It's tough I think that DBing is one way of trying to act to
make things work out. In my personal case I had to decide
that honesty and self respect was more important than doing
the "right" thing the DB way, it worked out for me it may no
for you.

There are 2 things that you have said that stand out to me
as far as how you feel about your sepearation. One you
enjoyed newyears without her being around and two
"If I had to choose right now between getting back
together, and continuing to find self-respect, I'd choose me. "
What ever happens you will handle it.

[Rigley]

Thanks, Martelo.

it worked out for me it may no for you.

How far along were you and your wife. Were you separated?

you enjoyed newyears without her being around and two "If I had to choose right now between getting back together, and continuing to find self-respect, I'd choose me. "

It's true that I will never again allow myself to be constantly evaluated. It made me crazy. I'm understanding now that my part of this dance was greater than I realized. I was constantly seeking approval.

I did have a good time on New Year's Eve, but I know I'm not going to go through life unattached, and I'd like it to be with her.

I CAN handle it, though. Whatever it is. And knowing that is good for me.