There is something about what you've said that stirs me. I feel weak in my current arrangement. And that weakness seems to be getting worse in some ways, rather than better. That might be because of so much introspection. But it might also be, as you mention, because I have given her too much freedom in this relationship, and it is having unintended effects.
Let me get the point on which I disagree out of the way. I will not fight her for sole custody of the kids. She is a very, very good mother. They need her. I want them half of the time, but no more.
Now, let me address the issue of jealousy. Here's new information for you.
During one of the many talks we had pre D-day, my wife confessed that on a girls weekend with her best friend, she had kissed a guy in a bar. Her friend was really p!ssed, and wanted her to tell me (she'd also done the same on a trip 9 years before, she confessed minutes later). At the time, I was expecting her to say she'd had an affair, and so I was relatively relieved. I told her I forgave her. I asked her "how many guys have you kissed in your life?" The answer was 3. I told her I understood, but that I didn't want her to do it again.
In a later talk, she said that she felt something with those two that she'd never felt with me. THAT is the kind of thing that has sent me into a tailspin, and why I have probably given her more room in this relationship than I should have. It made me feel like I couldn't compete. Now, I totally feel like I can. I know that what's missing is confidence, and that I can can get that.
My point is, I showed little jealousy. Though she had to be relieved that I didn't berate her, it also had to undermine my desire for her that I rolled over so easily.
Cobra, you're going to keep me up tonight. I need to find out why what you say speaks to me, and decide if or how I need to close in boundaries.
Does anyone have an extra spine? I need a little reinforcement here.
