Quote: I do NOT want to move back in right now. I need space to change. Meanwhile, I think she is gearing up to make a final decision. I have to decide how to act over the next week in light of this. I think it's clear to me that I must stay on track for myself. I think it might be helpful to let her know some of what's going on with me, but I need to be crystal clear that what I'm doing, I'm doing for me.
Rigley, you have the option NOT to talk to her, you know. You said here that you do not want to move back in and that you want some space. Very well. YOU can call and postpone the meeting. You do not have to do what she wants when she wants it.
Also, the phrase I have bolded-- what do you mean by that? "Gearing up"? She's already said a) she wants a D AND b) she will not do it; you have to. So what is she "gearing up" for? You have created this imaginary monster, this giant malevolent bubble that you think is going to destroy you. It's as if she has her hand on the switch of the electric chair you are strapped into, and you're afraid not so much of her throwing the switch, as you are that you will confess and grovel and reveal the location of the secret decoder ring in an attempt to keep her from throwing the switch.
You do NOT have to be around her at all. If being with her, talking to her, texting with her makes you turn to jello, then don't do it.
Who in your past made you feel this way-- as if you were being dangled by your heels over a moat full of hungry alligators? Who made you feel like your life was in their hands and that your life didn't mean cr@p to them?
