So what 10 things are you going to do for yourself in the next 2 weeks?
I've made my list. Thanks for the suggestion. I agree about my anxiety over pleasing my wife. I've been worried I wouldn't be able to please her because I haven't felt like a "real" man.
What I'm discovering is that the reason I haven't felt like a real man is BECAUSE I've been so wrapped up in pleasing others. When I'm able to focus on what I feel, I need, I want, I think... I start to feel more masculine, more self assured, more angry, more insistent that I be respected, more sexual.
But I'm on this dangerous precipice, though, because I could so easily respond to my wife's affection by chucking all of my own needs and desires, and then I'd be right back where I started.
I do NOT want to move back in right now. I need space to change. Meanwhile, I think she is gearing up to make a final decision. I have to decide how to act over the next week in light of this. I think it's clear to me that I must stay on track for myself. I think it might be helpful to let her know some of what's going on with me, but I need to be crystal clear that what I'm doing, I'm doing for me.
If I had to choose right now between getting back together, and continuing to find self-respect, I'd choose me.
