Quote: I have been rejected, totally and on purpose. I am totally to blame in her eyes. She is not respecting me, on purpose. She is cold, on purpose.
She must continue to feel this way and treat you badly in order to justify her actions. She can not accept responsibility for her unhappiness. It is so much easier to blame you.
Quote: Her attitude is clear: she wants me gone and she wants a new life. There is confusion b/c it is hard to just let-go cold-turkey but she is in no “crisis”. She is not an alien; she is a big girl and she knows full well what she is doing.
She wants a new life because she believes there is something better out there and she deserves it. If she gets into a new R, she will realize that things will be the same because she hasn't changed. I do not believe that she knows what she is doing. Within the last year, 3 women I know who have left their H have finally hit rock bottom, all who believed that they did the right thing because they believed there was something better out there. How long did it take each of them to realize their mistake? WAW #1 - 11 months (told her H she wants to try again) WAW #2 - 21 months (too proud to tell her H she made a mistake especially since she filed for D and it was final this summer. She told me she was very depressed this past Christmas as she realized what she had the M she always wanted) WAW #3 - 30 months (had her sis ask her H if he would try to work it out) None of their Hs want them back. None of them held onto hope for very long and 2 of the 3 are in another R.
Quote: There are no “baby steps”, just my misinterpretation of what I am seeing b/c I want to see otherwise.
I don't think you are necessarily misinterpreting the baby steps, it's just that when we start being hopeful and the WAS notices, it scares them because they do not want to feel conflicted and are SO SURE that they do not want to reconcile. So, I totally agree with what you said below:
Quote: Standing means unconditional support and unconditional love; ....... “Standing” does not mean “waiting and hoping”. I must give up all hope and I must move on. I am open to the possibility of reconciliation but I will not expect it to happen and I am not tied to this outcome.
I, too, must do the same with my H.
Quote: I will not beat myself up or allow her actions to tear me up inside. I am better than that.
I forgive myself and put her actions in the proper context. I will pray for further guidance. To me, that is what it means to place my life in God’s hands.
Amen.
You sound so much stronger. I am happy that your W finally went to see your Mom. Regardless whether your M will be saved or not, your W and Mom both need this time together right now.
