Cold yet? It was 73 deg here yesterday and warm again today. I want snow!!!
I don't remember the exact date but my bomb was mid-Jan 06. What a year since!
The bomb was a suprise but that was b/c my head was up my rear. She did give it a lot of thought before Jan 06. Honestly I really think she is through. So I may send what Sheila wrote - I cannot lose really IF I expect nothing in return.
She threatened to leave between end Jan to end of April but could not. I do not mean did not - she could not. I left b/c something told me to. The 'let her go and if she is right for you she will return' BS. Just before I left she confided in me that she had decided not to leave. She was that weak and confused. I left anyway - I thought it was the loving unselfish thing to do. Loving thing? She asked me for D a month later.
Do I regret that I did not stay home? Yes and no. I have found that it is almost impossible to DB when they cannot see your changes on a daily basis. In that respect I messed up.
But what would I have stayed home with? A confused and weak person who whould only blame me each day that she was not strong enough to leave on her own. Is that what I desire? What would that say about me?
Plus if I had stayed at home I would not have turned into the father that I have become, I am absolutely certain. Why, b/c the kids were (are) her whole focus. I would not have been able to take them on two vacations (which they still go on and on about) and I would never have gotten the one on one time I get now. That was God's gift to me.
Did W use me just to have kids? That is a very interesting thought. I don't think so but it is a result here nevertheless.
Imagine, now I get them 40% of the year and they are all mine. When we were married I got them 5%. What is better? But the kids deserve both parents - that is why I am standing by the M.
But you know what, I don't think I want her back - too much water under the bridge. I am really ready to move on now. The holiday/earrings proves that. I neeeded that last pity party to see that.
