You said just yesterday (I think) that you now understand how you can work on yourself and your M (btw, I believe that I was the one whom you told that was impossible). Now you say that being detached is walking away.
Here is how I see it, but it's taken me a LONG time to get here: I am not so invested in my M anymore b/c I am happy on my own and getting happier and stronger. However, I would still like to be with my H. I am still working on myself and my own issues, but when I see H, I am friendly and upbeat, don't argue...basically, use the DB techniques. This is working really well for me. I am detached in the sense that I am not tied to the outcome.
Jeff, I was going to stay away from the gift, but I will wade in. I don't think the problem was actually giving a gift; I think it was what you wrote in the card and the type of gift. Jewellery is a very intimate gift. Gold earrings are expensive and personal, not something you would give a "friend." Jeff, she's not your wife right now. I know she was, I know you had many years together, but right now, she owes you nothing. You need to be starting from scratch. If you had just met this woman a few months ago, would you give her a gift like that and a card that reads, "I am praying that you will go on a date with me"??!!
Re. the card: Hon, a card that says you're praying that she'll change her mind (essentially), can you really not see how pressuring that is? You say that her email is telling you that she's right and you're wrong, but did your card not do that to her?
Look, I'm not saying you have to wait. I'm not saying her behaviour is great. What I'm saying is, you are still way too invested in this relationship. If you want to continue trying to make your M work, you are going to have to find a way to let go more. If that's what you want to do, we can help you with that, but you need to make a real decision here.
~ Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
