Sorry for the venting to follow b/c I DO value your inputs and I am not beating up on the messengers.
I just cannot wrap my arms around what you are saying. I guess I am dense. I have read the MLC stuff here and it only confirms what was very clear in my mind last year. Those who “stand” by their M are those who wait. Wait and wait and wait and wait. That is what I take away from all the MLC “advice” I read. I totally agree with the “live my own life” stuff – most of my 800 plus posts here recommend to others to do just that.
I am the last one to judge if someone chooses to wait forever; that is great – they are far stronger than I.
But I am not getting any younger. I have tried and tried and I am tired of trying. If a simple Christmas gift was wrong then I give up.
If my only choice is to wait indefinitely while everything I do is viewed as controlling, manipulating and wrong vice letting go AND giving up AND having the sick pleasure of kicking her a** out of my life – that choice is clear in my mind.
Yes, to me detachment does mean quitting and walking away. I simply do not believe you can detach and still love someone who has hurt you and be their best buddy while we cheerfully raise happy children who are far better off without a full-time father than with one.
After a year of this I do believe that the title of this BB should not read “Divorce Busting”.
