Thanks BBA. Can you please help me some more? I am sorry to impose but you struck a cord with me.
Or better, you found a button – if I do anything in the rest of my life it will be to act as to never hear or cause anyone to call me controlling or manipulative, ever again.
---------------------- I think the concepts of forgiveness and unconditional love and detachment are all bollixed up in your head right now. I also think that you have given nothing up to God. Because you, Jeff, have already decided what's the right outcome. You seem to keep insisting that you know better. ---------------------
I do agree that things are bollixed up for me right now. Some questions:
What is your concept of forgiveness and unconditional love? What is your concept of detachment? Is detachment giving up? Is giving things over to God the same as giving up? You wrote I decided on the right outcome. How did you read that in my post?
--------------------- WCW, I appreciate your perspective, but we are talking about two different things. --------------------
What are these two different things? WCW understood what I was trying to say but you and Fig read it otherwise. Can you expand on your thoughts a little? I will not just say I wrote it poorly b/c I am big on the written word mirroring how we feel. If my words “spoke” to you and Fig then I would be grateful to know what they said to you in more detail.
Fig – you are right the gift was meant to be just that; I expected no response. And when I received W’s email I just shrugged b/c it did not matter. But then for some reason over time it pushed me into anger.
It was not her response to my gift – it was what I perceived as her attempt to control me. To transfer the guilt to me: implying I am hurting the children, that I should stop my “wishful thinking”, that I should “stop” since it is “best” for everyone.
Yes, it would be best for her. But is was wrong of me to feel that way. I was the controlling guy all these years - dose of my own medicine. It reminded me that I have a lot of detachment yet to go.
I am bollixed up b/c on my last thread I spoke (not directly, but in so many words) of walking away and many here questioned that. I was asked if I were really ready to give it up. I was asked if I did all I could. I was reminded not to let my W decide when I should give up – only I should decide.
To be honest I was through “standing” before the holiday hit. But watching my children on Christmas morning without their mother there was too much to take. Something told me that I needed to “stand” by the M again. Yet I also need to stand as a Man. Somehow, I must let her go and at the same time demonstrate that I will be there for her.
I struggle to see how I can detach yet “stand” at the same time and how do I best give it over to God.
