Hi all. Happy New Year. Once again the start of a new thread; number 6 already. Thanks again to all the great folks who take the time to read about my life. I decided to move to this forum, somehow Newcomers seemed inappropriate.
Brief recap: Me: 51, WAW: 43; two kids: S9 and D5 Bomb (I don’t love you – I am leaving next month): Jan 06 She never left but I moved out to give her space: 11 May 06 She wants a D (via an email): Jun 06 Complaint for Divorce filed D: 11 Oct 06
Last post for the curious (with links to my entire saga): Last thread
Coming up on a year now. Hard to believe then, still is. She was my best friend and lover. I was depressed and drinking but I thought she was there for me. Wrong.
I scrambled to save my M. At first, I begged and pleaded like everyone else does but of course it did no good. I next focused on the plan in Divorce Remedy and I changed big time. Hard work. I addressed everything my WAW wanted addressed but I did it to get her back. She moved away even further. Her trust in me was gone and the anger that she had to drop the bomb was too great. You see, she feels I broke up the family, not her.
So after much reading and crying it finally dawned on me that I needed to do things for me and I needed to detach; to let go. I decided to move out. Through all this the one thing I really believe is that if you really let someone go then you have the best and maybe the only chance of getting them back. But let’s face it, few come back.
I worked on me FOR ME and in parallel I detached. I accepted what happened, I made positive changes and continue to do so. I connected with my kids. I cut back on the booze. I started to GAL again.
I grew to hate. Yes hate – for my anger that she let this happen and for her smugness and self-righteous attitude. Hate for her anger and unwillingness to forgive me. Hate that she was not strong enough to work through this and her elements of MLC. Hate for my sadness and frustration that she would not even try again and for her failure to accept my changes. Hate for my fear of my future and for my kids. Hate for my self-pity.
Then forgiveness finally came – that took the longest. I came to a point of peace with myself. Only sorrow remains – sorrow for things that I cannot prevent: the loss of my best friend, the loss of my lover, the impacts to my children. The sorrow replaced the hate and the sorrow led me to remember the love. I finally realized that she was as hurt as I was - perhaps even more.
I accepted the hand that was dealt. We all come to that fork in the road: accept it and move on or wait a very long time and hope for recovery. Each of us has to choose which path alone. When is enough, enough? Will they finally “see” and accept the “new” us? Will they ever walk out of that MLC fog? Will they ever take a chance on us? By hanging on or slowing the D am I hurting her? Is that the loving thing to do?
I chose my road – I can honestly say I did everything I could but it is time to move on – with or without her. I no longer NEED her; she is only a desire.
God considered my prayers to reconcile my M and the answer to date is NO. He has other plans for me. But I feel strong and secure. I thank God He put me through this – I came out a far better man. I have reached a summit on the mountain; the view is fantastic! Higher peaks are in the distance. I look forward to the climb. Only opportunities await!
