Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[LoginName]

HW,
My W seems to want to work on our M/R, but she is afraid to commit to it, and especially afraid to lead me to expect that we can work it out. Why? I can make some guesses: 1) still loves the OM 2) she must be hurt so badly from before (I wish I understood what exactly hurt so much) that she doesn’t want to come back into the R until she knows it’s safe 3) She’s in MLC 4) nope, that’s it, I’m out of ideas. But she is working on it, and she did come back, and she does want to be my friend if nothing else. So how bad can it be? Like you, I know my sitch is much better than many.

And like you, I know that it might not work out and we might go our separate ways. And like you, we know we will always be part of each other’s lives. If nothing else, we will both be parents to our kids.

I think that having the attitude that it might not work out, and we would be sad about it but could still be happy and have good lives, is important. I’m thinking it’s part of that detachment that we are striving for; letting go, unconditional love, setting good boundaries.

Someday I will buy flowers for my W, and she won’t feel I’m trying to buy her love back. She’ll be able to accept them as a sign of real love and affection. Who knows, maybe she’ll even buy me some!

I guess we still have work to do and the work will never stop. I hope that I’ll have a real partner in the work someday.