Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

Today is DEFINITELY NOT a good day - aside from the fact it was raining ALL day with low cloud (just the thing we need to lift our spirits eh?) but its also a Monday - the worse day of the week for me because that is the day H used to go see OW (his day off) even though we moved 3 hours away from her - aaaagggggrrrrrrrrhhhhhh

H wanted to go to the library today, so I thought, "I can be strong here, I don't need to check up on him" etc. etc. When I got to work there was already 3 messages on my phone - from H wanting to know if I got there ok (which was nice). He said to give him a call on my lunch break but that he might not answer if he's in the library (because you have to turn all cell phones off)

So just before my lunch break was over, I called him to see how things were going. He didn't answer and it went to voicemail. At first it didn't bother me but then it really started to eat at me because when he used to go see OW I would call him on my lunchbreak (not knowing he was there screwing her of course) and he wouldn't answer. Then he would call me back anywhere from a half an hour to two later saying he had gone into to see someone about a job (which is what he told me for weeks on end on Mondays - what an idiot I was)

Anyway, I started to have a meltdown but had to go back to work (my saviour at this point). When I got home he asked if I was okay. I said today was hard but I got through it. We started to talk about our day and he admitted to me that perhaps today wasn't a good day to go to the library and that he should have taken that into consideration (which made me feel a little better). However, the emotion of it came over me and I started to cry (damn it!!!) and he put his arm around me and said he was sorry for hurting me.

Then he told me he didn't have to work tomorrow either but had already decided he would meet me for lunch - so that was nice too.

So I had some ups and downs but I think I have made it through this miserable day pretty well. Just wish I could go to sleep for about a year until all these feelings were dulled a little and I could cope better.