Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

Hi Cat

Confronted H (bad choice of word I guess) about the $200 like you suggested. Just started off with "I would like to ask you a question and would appreciate an honest answer" - he agreed. Of course, as soon as I said I noticed $200 had been taken out of the account, H was very defensive and said "all this time you haven't bothered now all of a sudden you are going to start checking. I won't live under a microscope?". I tried to explain (calmly - although I was fuming inside) that he had to give me a little slack and that I was dealing with a lot of insecurities right now and needed him to understand and help me through this. Amazingly, he calmed down and we talked through it. As I should have expected, it was nothing. It was an item I had purchased several months ago, paid for it myself out of money I had but took it back to the store and put the credit on my credit card. He took the money out of the chequing account to give back to me and just hadn't got around to it (because he was going to get some more out for my spending money allottment for the week - we both do that each week ) needless to say, I felt bad. But we talked through it and today it seems fine.

As a matter of fact, he is actually reading one of the books I took out of the library (Back from Betrayal) - its from a woman's point of view, which surprised me he would want to read it. Plus, "those types of books" are not high on his reading priority. He even said it was "hard to put down" - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!

Then to shock me even more, he met me for lunch AGAIN today AND said he would like me to keep out the book I am reading now (Monogamy Myth) - once again, a book from a woman's point of view (psychologist) who worked through things with her H. H said he likes reading books like that because it is actual people that have gone through the same things and come out ok on the other side. Plus, it confirms a lot of the emotions he is going through. Because he took psychology as a major in university (minor in criminoloy - ya, I know, go figure eh?) he said he pretty much knows all about what's in those books and understands it but it is nice to hear it from someone else and it just confirms the feelings and emotions he is going through right now. He says that makes him know he is on the right track. At the same time, he will repeat things in the book and say something like "is that what you are going through" or "is that how you feel". He even told me today that he feels bad for the OW because he has let her down (he felt he was helping her - primarily emotionally, but also financially) and that now he has let her down or abandoned her (something the C said might affect him because he was adopted and he is acting out what happened to him) but aside from that he also said he felt really bad for what he has done to me - confirmation!!! Just what I needed to hear (because I was feeling a little down today). I told him that I appreciated him telling me that but also he couldn't keep beating himself up - he agreed and said we would just keep working at it.

Now, on another note, he also wondered if it would be better to see a woman C than a guy. He has always felt women know how to deal with these types of things (emotional matters) better than men - what do you guys think? (personally I am skeptical of him being near any woman - C or not - and I really don't want to screw things up, I think we are progressing, slowly but progressing nonetheless)