Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

Thanks Looking for your reply and prayers - I need all the help I can get at this point.

Things seem to be pretty good today - he is tired and sleeping right now but I think its more actual "tired" than the depression (mental exhaustion). We have been civil to each other today, went out for breakfast, did a couple of errands and he DIDN'T take his cell phone with him (which has been part of my stress level - as he's always been VERY protective/secretive with it. Hoping this is an indication (or effort) on his part that he is trying)

I asked him if he would like to watch a movie later tonight - he said ok. He is not much into comedies (as I am) but also asked me if he didn't find it very interesting, could I just continue on watching it while he called a couple of his (male) friends he hasn't talked to for a while (the phone being in the same room as the TV) and I agreed.

So, I do see some definite effort on his part (which I also verbally acknowledged to him when we saw the C yesterday)

Also, I start a new job on Monday and it has been a stress trigger for me for some time - being it is a total new avenue I am going down. He knows about my trust (or lack of) issue.

Quite some time ago (just after the bomb hit) I had asked if he could meet me for lunch on that day (about a half hour drive from home). I did this because Mondays are his day off (and he had been going to see OW each and every one for several months after we moved - even though she lives a 3 hour drive each way)

At that time, he said he knew it bothered me but that he couldn't live in a bubble for the rest of his life. Of course this caused quite the upset with me and we argued about how it was ok for him to drive 6 hours in one day to see OW but he couldn't be bothered to drive half an hour to reassure his wife, who he claims to love and wants to reconcile with. We eventually agreed we would talk to the C about it and left it at that.

Yesterday, we talked to the C about the trust issue but didn't really come to any conclusion - he just asked how I was dealing with it etc.

After our session H wanted to know if I had come to a conclusion about what I wanted to do about Monday. I said that I was still undecided because one day I feel stronger than another and I didn't know how I would feel come Monday.

He said, "well, I already know what I would like to do". Of course, this initially caused me some anxiety but I asked him to explain. What I heard almost made me cry. He said that it was important that I start my new job out with a good foundation and that he thought it best he meet me for lunch to reassure me, and give me that strength.

Now (at times) I feel as though I might not actually need him to be there. It was just the acknowledgement from him that I needed more than anything. I think I will probably still take him up on that offer though - just because!

Things are good today in the heywyre household and for the first time since the bomb hit, I truly feel that we might actually have a chance at repairing this M. And THAT makes me VERY happy indeed