Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

H broke down day before yesterday and had quite the crying jag - kept saying how sorry he was for hurting me and shattering my world. All the while I sat there pretty much with a straight face not saying anything - no emotion

He said he finally knew, after all these years, what love really was - this is of course after telling me for 18 years that he loved me - ya right!

He went on to say that he was confident we could get through this and then asked me if I felt the same - yikes!!

I sat there for a while not answering - and finally he said, "its ok, I guess its not fair to ask you that, you don't have to answer". So I didn't. Instead I told him that I didn't know. I was going through too much hurt and pain right now and that the trust was gone and I didn't know if I could get it back - he seemed somewhat shocked by that answer. Normally, I would have said "yes, I think we can get through this, I love you, blah blah blah" but its not what he was expecting at all

Today we had another long talk (initiated by him) and he confirmed once again how much he hurt me etc. etc. and probed again for the "can we make it" - once again, he got a vague answer.

We go to see the psychologist today (thank goodness - its been a looooooooong two weeks) and I really need to address the issue of trust.

I start back to work on Monday (H day off - which he used to use to go see OW) and I am freaked to say the least. H keeps asking me what I want to do about Monday. I had previously asked him if he could meet me for lunch and now he seems to be resisting. I don't think he will go to see OW because she lives 3 hours away (each way) but at the same time, its like he's wanting to plan his day, without taking my feelings into consideration

What to do? Do I pretend that I don't care if he meets me for lunch (and gives me the reassurance I need right now) or do I let him know he put me in this place of insecurity and should be doing everything possible to help me get it back