Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

I have made a couple of posts on the infidelity board but thought I would come on here to see if I could get some insight as to where to go from here.

Am I piecing or just giving myself false hope?

I would like to think I am - but maybe that's just my optimism (which is very thin at this point)

My H and I have had quite a few talks (last night a VERY long one - which he initiated)

I gave him a letter yesterday (because I was too emotional to say it in person but had to get it out) that said I was exhausted, and needed to take my power back. I told him that even though I didn't condone his actions (2 affairs within 5 years) I was forgiving him. Not for him but for me. I needed to do this so that I could move forward. He said it was a "very direct" letter and felt I was being a lot stronger than he was at this point.

I know he wants to work on our marriage but I am very skeptical (of course) that it can be salvaged unless there are some real changes in his behaviour. He is willing to try but says he has to take it one day at a time and "be careful" right now. I was confused and asked him to clarify because he has been talking in semi-circles since the bomb hit and he was confronted (and exposed)

He said the only way he can explain it is that its like a big massive ball of emotions and he can't seem to sort them out but with the help of counselling, etc. he is hoping to get it straightened out soon. He said he would like to think he can do this without separating but he might have to have time on his own (this was devasting to me but I kept my composure) - I am of the opinion that if two people want to work things out, the best way is to do it together, not through separation (but that's just me). I said, "what am I supposed to do, live in limbo and then 6 months from now you drop the bomb and say you're leaving". He assured me there is no way it would be 6 months from now, it was something he needed to do relatively quickly if he couldn't see himself sorting things out quick enough. He said 6 months would be cruel (I agree)

Maybe I have got to that healing place and moving forward stage quicker than he has. I know part of the "massive ball of emotions" is guilt for what he has done to our relationship (TWICE!!) and he says that regardless of whether we stay together as a couple or not, he has to get these demons out of his life because its destroying him and the people he loves. I guess that's a good sign, right?

I know I have been long-winded here but venting has always been my path to sanity (which is also very thin at this point)

Thanks to all of you for being here - I have spent so many hours reading vasts amounts of your posts and its comforting to know I am not alone in this fight.