Journalizing: I found out yesterday that H lost his job. I found out from his dad in an email. H hasn't admitted that he was fired and probably wouldn't have even told me about not working there. I just asked him if everything was ok with his job. He played it like it was. Then he finally came out and said that he wasn't working there anymore.
All I can see are his walls crumbling but him picking up the pebbles to try to build a new wall. I know that this is all in God's timing. I just don't know how many layers of walls he has built up that I have to wait for all of them to fall. But I will continue the Hedge of Thorns prayer and continue to watch the walls. I have continued to be nice even after the eventful weekend.
I was talking to my mom tonight and she mentioned the fact that the OW will get tired of his ways. I told her that I hope it isn't her that figures it out. I pray that it is him that decides that he is done watching his life fall apart and tired of her hurting him and lying to him all of the time. Isn't that what should happen??? It would mean so much more for him to decide these things. Then the feelings for her would be less grieved than if she cut things off.....
Anyway....All I know is that I can't walk away. I owe it to myself and my kids to fight as hard as I can. I can't look them in the face and tell them that their daddy won't be coming home because I got tired of fighting and standing. So I guess I am in this for the long haul!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
