Not giving up! (Take II)

[not_giving_up]

Things did not go so well. I had decided that when he picked me up, that I was going to try to let him do all of the talking. He knows where I stand and how I feel. It took him about 15 minutes to even say anything. I asked him if we were going to ride home in an awkward silence. He said "No, there are just so many things and I don't know where to start." So the first thing he said was that he didn't feel like he was part of the family. I told him that I was sorry and that I have had to learn how to cope without him for the past 4 months.

By the time we got home, he still had not said too much. We just sat in the car for a while. I asked him to go to counseling with me and he told me "NO. It isn't what I want to do." It ended pretty badly. I confronted him about telling OW that he had asked for a divorce but he really had not. I tried to stay calm but OW called him 3 times. The 3rd time, I asked him to let me answer it and he said no. So, I know, I know.....I did the wrong thing. I got my phone out and called her. I told her that we were still talking. She knew that we were going to talk when he picked me up. He got pretty pissed and got my suitcase out of the car and took it to the porch. I stayed in the car and tried to keep my cool. He told me that he would contact someone on Monday. I told him that just because he gives me papers, doesn't mean that I have to sign them. Because in the end, I don't want a D or a dissolution. He told me that he would be over on Saturday to see the kids and I just said, "if we are home." I guess I started to let the anger get the better of me. I told him not to bother coming around anymore. He got even angrier. He told me "Don't you dare tell me that I can't see my F'n kids." I told him "until you can deal with me, then you don't need to come around." A few more things were said and then I got out, he sped off.

So about 45 minutes later, I called him. I wanted to apologize for the way that I had talked to him and for saying some of the things that I had said. I told him that he hasn't let me get angry over this. That I was just suppose to accept it and move on. He apologized for him outburst and said that he would call me on Sunday.

He did call. About 3:00pm. I let it go to voicemail. For the first time, I didn't answer his call on purpose. I called him back about 30 minutes later. He asked me if we were home and I told him no, I was out to eat with the kids. I told him that I would call him when we were headed home. So at 4:50pm, I called him. It took him until 6pm to get over to the house.

I had to put our D to bed shortly after 7 because she had not napped and was getting rather tired. He took her up and we talked for a minute. I told him that I just can't walk away from him and this marriage. He told me to do what I needed to do. So I then told him that he needed to tell our S5 the truth. He keeps lying to him and telling him that he is staying with a friend and would build his little hopes up only to crush them. He was doing the same to me. So he asked me if I wanted him to tell him the truth...I said "probably."
He came downstairs and I told our S5 that we needed to talk to him. H got pissed again and was storming out of the house. He couldn't follow through. I went outside with H and told him that we needed to tell S5. He is smart and knows that his daddy isn't staying where he says he is. It turned into another hissy fit right there in the street. I told him that until his family was his priority, he didn't need to come around anymore. He said that he would be over today.....I told him again "if we are home." I had told him that we are now on my schedule and not his. He cussed at me and then said something as I was walking back into the house. I didn't hear him so I went back out. I asked him what he said and he said "You heard me." I said "No I didn't." He wouldn't repeat and sped off.

I was ok....I came back in and had a private meeting with my S5 in my bedroom. I told him as much of the truth as I thought he needed to know. That daddy was living with an OW and that he was welcome to come home. But even if he didn't, we would be ok. I told him that if daddy doesn't, then maybe mommy will find someone who will love him and his siblings and take good care of us. So that is where I left it with S5. He is bound and determined to talk to daddy and make him come home but I told him that all we need to do is speak nicely to daddy. I put him to bed and that was that.....

Much more to tell but that is enough for this post.....TO BE CONTINUED!