My weekend was ok. Other than H blowing us off most of the weekend. He had the whole freaking weekend off and only comes over yesterday for a few hours. I understand that he was suppose to be helping you move but he could have at least dropped in for a little while to see the kids. Just doesn't seem to have his priority straight right now.
I did have a discussion with him because I was starting to believe that he really didn't know that he was beginning to repeat the past. Meaning that he was saying things to imply a future and then knocking it back down.
I asked him if he had written me out of his life completely. He said that he never could do that, then S5 came down from his nap and interrupted. So I took H into the kitchen and talked to him. I asked him again if he had written me out of his life the way I was talking about. He said that he didn't know. I asked him why he always got mad when I wanted to talk to him about things and he said that he really didn't know the reason.
We talked about things that he was saying that would get my hopes up. He actually talked to me more than he had in a while. He said that he just doesn't know what he is doing right now. So I asked him if he knew what I was doing and he said yes. He knows that I am not walking away from this. Then I told him about the 3 instances that he was planning on walking away completely and that something has come up each and every time. He said that he knows. I asked him if he was telling me "I don't know" all the time because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings and he said no. He really doesn't know what he is doing. I told him that I was going to continue going to MC and that it didn't mean that he absolutely had to go. I told him "I know that you probably don't want to go right now." His reply "Not right now but maybe."
He asked me if we were ok on money and I ended up telling him about my individual account. I told him that I had to do it to make sure that the kids and I were taken care of. I told him that it wasn't because I was saying it was over and that I was walking away. It was just to protect me and the kids. I couldn't trust that OW wouldn't talk him into taking the money out of the checking account and the kids and I be left with nothing to pay bills. He said that he would never do that but I told him that I couldn't trust that. He was so confused and she was adding to that confusion. I couldn't trust that she wouldn't talk him into cleaning it out. He got teary eyed when I said that. He told me that I had to trust that he could never do that. I just told him that I need him to understand that I love him and I am not giving up. That I am going to fight for this as hard as possible.
I told him about what my S5 said last night. He looked at me while we were playing a game and he said "Daddy needs to come home." I told him "I know." He said "God will bring my daddy home. It will just take some time." That is something that I really needed to hear at the time because I was feeling really frustrated about everything and I was so tempted to just say "Screw this." and be done with everything. God works in strange ways.
So I guess I need to leave it be for now. When he left, I told him that I am glad that we talked. Even though he still can't tell me where he stands, at least I know that things aren't hopeless. He called me twice right after he left. Once just for a favor and the other to tell me about a job opening in the fire department in town that he was going to look into. Again, something that he really didn't have to do but did.
Go ahead and let me have it for talking R to him. I just feel a little better about what we discussed. We actually had a good time yesterday with the kids. I hope he sees that things have begun to change in my life and that things won't be the same WHEN he comes home. I have now officially shut my mouth regarding R and will let God do his work in H. I know that I have to have patience and let God work on us seperately before H will come home and work on us as a family.
Gee....I really wish someone would fall off the face of the planet. It would make things so much easier!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Well Sorry for the bad weekend. Q is awosome. That is exactly what I would expect him to say. D says similar thing but it is more along the lines that he wants mommy and daddy back together and is starting to take his own stand with Karla. I think it bothers her when she sees it but that she does not really care at this point.
Well keep your chin upp and if you ever need someone to talk to when you are feeling down...You know my number. I was serious when I told you that you could call anytime.
Take care, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
To be honest, it wasn't all that bad. It was just a little disturbing that J couldn't take the time to spend with his kids. I know that his time away right now is carefree. No kids to worry about, no time crunches, no schedules. I don't know how I can compete with that.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I feel you pain with that one sister. However they both will have to face reality eventually. No matter if they like it or not. However, I truly understand the not being able to compete feeling. I feel the exact same way.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Quote: I know that his time away right now is carefree. No kids to worry about, no time crunches, no schedules. I don't know how I can compete with that.
Ditto. This is a scary feeling...it's what I fear the most. We have to keep hope that at some point the emptiness will get to them. In the meantime, keep on takin' care of you!
I know. That is my hope. That the loneliness and memories of things we used to do as a family will begin to eat at him. That him knowing that he can't visit his family with OW around should bother him too. But I have to give it some time. Like my S5 said, God will bring him home. It will just take some time.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Quote: him knowing that he can't visit his family with OW around should bother him too.
I heard through the Grapevine that my W asked if she could bring JSO down to her fathers and her told her not until you are D'ed and we will have to talk about it then.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Even though it is small...that is a big deal. She thinks that her family is standing behind in her dumb attack but this is showing that they really aren't. Let's hope this is starting to crack her eyes open a little bit.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
