Just remember to keep it up. He will have to believe the changes are for real not just somthing to get him back. This is going to be a hard one for you especially if /when he comes back. Just keep up your changes, sounds like he is starting to notice.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Thanks for the encouragement and for some of the insight into what he has problems with in the M. I will make sure that stays between us.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I will keep to myself. Even though I don't lie to him, there are some things that I don't tell him unless absolutely necessary. It doesn't mean that I am hiding things from him, it is just that there are things that I know wouldn't help the sitch if he knew. Ok...this also does not mean that I have some deep dark secret from him. Just take the individual checking account that I have set up. I am not going to tell him this because that could very well put a final nail in our M coffin. It is something that he doesn't need to know at this time. When he returns, if need be, then I will tell him.
Ok the short of it....I won't tell him that you have said anything to me.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
To UA, He did deposit a large portion of his paycheck to the account. However, this is the same amount that he had agreed to the first time he walked away. So I don't know if that is the reason for the exact amount or what. I took that amount and transferred it over to my individual account so that I knew for certain that he couldn't tap into that money. But he continues to use the card for gas and things of that nature.
Let me be clear, I am the larger of the bread winners in the home so the amount he had agreed to is a very large chunk of his check but in my opinion, probably about the same that he would have to contribute should we get a D and him have to pay CS. We have 3 kids under the age of 5 and one of them is a special needs child.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Quote: To UA, He did deposit a large portion of his paycheck to the account. However, this is the same amount that he had agreed to the first time he walked away. So I don't know if that is the reason for the exact amount or what. I took that amount and transferred it over to my individual account so that I knew for certain that he couldn't tap into that money. But he continues to use the card for gas and things of that nature.
Let me be clear, I am the larger of the bread winners in the home so the amount he had agreed to is a very large chunk of his check but in my opinion, probably about the same that he would have to contribute should we get a D and him have to pay CS. We have 3 kids under the age of 5 and one of them is a special needs child.
I think if he's contributing and you feel ok with him using the card, then that's ok but I would let him know that you have set up a special BILL ONLY account and that his contribution has gone there, and not into the joint account. If he gets upset, that's on him right? We can't control them, only ourselves and I'd be worried he'd bounce you into NSF charges assuming the money is in there.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I understand. If he comes over tonight, I will try to bring it up. Just not sure how to approach it without causing more distance between us.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
well it wouldn't be fair to either of you to bounce checks and he'd find out when he bought something or tried to and there was no $$ in the account because it's in the bill account right?
Does he see the checkbook at all?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
No, I have always taken the reigns on the checking account. He is the spender in the M and I am the saver. So needless to say we are paycheck to paycheck. If he sees an amount at the ATM, he assumes that is the actual balance. He doesn't seem to take into consideration that there may be bills that haven't cleared yet. I am not trying to bash him. He didn't have money as a child and now that he has a job, he wants to spend it.
I am trying to be less controlling in this regards. One of his issues with our M is my control over things. It has been that way because I have never seen him try to take control of anything. It has always been..."ok, I will get to it" Not something that a person with my personality wants to hear.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Quote: No, I have always taken the reigns on the checking account. He is the spender in the M and I am the saver. So needless to say we are paycheck to paycheck. If he sees an amount at the ATM, he assumes that is the actual balance. He doesn't seem to take into consideration that there may be bills that haven't cleared yet. I am not trying to bash him. He didn't have money as a child and now that he has a job, he wants to spend it.
I am trying to be less controlling in this regards. One of his issues with our M is my control over things. It has been that way because I have never seen him try to take control of anything. It has always been..."ok, I will get to it" Not something that a person with my personality wants to hear.
Then you can't appreciate me because I'm like your H and you're like my H. So one of my 180's has been to REALLY restrict my spending and balance my checkbook daily - ewww!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
and he'd find out when he bought something or tried to and there was no $$ in the account because it's in the bill account right?
because I'm like your H and you're like my H. So one of my 180's has been to REALLY restrict my spending and balance my checkbook daily - ewww! 